Paloqueth Rotating Rabbit Review – An Amazon Adventure
Well, first off – it’s a fucking mouthful. But Paloqueth who? Usually in my review intros I have something to say about a brand, for better or for worse. But who’s Paloqueth? I don’t really know. I dug around for other reviews of their products, and found out they do the majority of their selling on Amazon (which is a red flag for me, typically) but they also have their own storefront. Hmm, okay.
The Paloqueth website is fairly plain, looking like any white label brand – with their “about” page offering vague information about customer service, “quality”, product certification, and their “influencer” program.
Seems legit, I guess.
In my digging, I saw that the highest priced item in their shop (at the time of posting) is $45. Holy shit, what? And that right there is exactly how I ended up receiving & reviewing a Paloqueth rabbit in my never ending search to recommend affordable, body safe toys. When I was contacted by Paloqueth – I was asked if I’d purchased their toys before, and for my Amazon profile to “see if I was eligible” for testing. Luckily, the customer service rep I was in contact with was understanding when I explained I was a blogger, and I wasn’t comfortable using Amazon or being “reimbursed” for a toy – and that I was looking to write an honest review on my own platform, not just leave a 5-star Amazon review just because I wanted a “free toy”.
Point blank, buying sex toys off of Amazon really freaks me out. Shit, buying from brands I’ve never heard of in general freaks me out. This DangerousLilly post covers most of my concern. An additional worry for me is that when people are “paid” (or paid in free items/Amazon vouchers) for reviews of some of these “white label” brands – you lose a good amount of honesty. (I’ve had other “Amazon brands” contact me and ask me to “leave a 5-star review so you can receive the toy”. Luckily Paloqueth didn’t pull that & was happy to provide a toy for me to write my own honest review.)
Did I need to write three paragraphs detailing all of this? Probably not. But, I’m all about full disclosure. (Especially when I’ve written about my distaste for buying toys from Amazon in the past.)
After about twenty emails back and forth figuring out how to make things work for both myself & Paloqueth – I had a rabbit coming to me in the mail. (With high hopes that it would be worth a damn and I’d have another “budget brand” to add to my roster of recommendations)
Now – here’s what y’all are here for. An actual damn review.
The rabbit came to me in a plain brown Amazon box – with a black Paloqueth branded box inside. (Apparently the name comes from “Passionate love is a quenchless thirst”) Not the prettiest packaging I’ve ever seen – but it’s simple & discreet so who cares! (We care about what’s in the box, right?) Sliding the plastic out of the box, I was greeted by the rabbit (in a zip top bag) a magnetic USB charging cable, a manual, and a drawstring bag to keep it in. Okay, that won some points with me. Some of my more expensive toys don’t even come with storage bags anymore! (I’m looking at you, Womanizer.)
Following the manuals instructions, I charged the rabbit for around an hour and a half (until the lights stopped blinking) – which should give you about 60 minutes of runtime. Kinda sucked, not gunna lie. The magnets in the charger aren’t the strongest & it was a bit of a pain to keep it in the right spot. I’ve seen other Paloqueth toys have chargers like my PalmPower Recharge – where you stab it in, and honestly I would have preferred that. But hey – it’s a $30 rabbit, I’m not expecting perfection.
What about those specs?
The Paloqueth Rotating Rabbit is coated in “high quality silicone” making it body-safe and compatible with water based lubes. PrincessPreviews had already flame tested a similar Paloqueth toy – so I held off on lighting this one on fire. (For now. I still might.) It’s waterproof, which as usual – isn’t a trait I care about, but it always makes washing toys easier. The entire rabbit is around 8.5” long, with the insertable length coming in at 5.2” – and 1.2” at its widest point. (The clitoral arm “rabbit” is .8” wide, with bendy lil ears.)
It only has a hint of a ridge on the “head” – a plus for me as someone that doesn’t love super-phallic toys. Advertised as “not to large or too small – beginner friendly” seems accurate in my book. (Especially as someone with toy preferences that lean towards the smaller side of average.)
One of my first “fancy” sex toys was the Rabbit Habit Deluxe – which also boasts multiple vibrations & rotation speeds, so I was excited to try a body-safe (non-porous) version of similar technology. (Especially because finding something that rotates, and is body-safe without breaking the bank is a bit of a challenge!)
The shaft of the rabbit has no “give” – it just has a silicone coating, as it’s housing both the vibrator & rotating motor. Smooth, but not remotely flexible!
It has three buttons on the front (that light up in use/while charging) for controlling the power, the vibration of the rabbit arm, and the rotation of the insertable length. Yeah, I said rotation. In use, you hold down the “power” (middle) button for three seconds, and then can use the top (rotation) and button (vibration) buttons to run through three speeds and a handful of patterns. You can’t go “back” to a setting – you just have to cycle through or shut the toy off.
Paloqueth’s site says “The motor in the curved shaft is bursting with 6 rotating speeds and 7 patterns of vibration for an intense G-spot massage, while the flexible bunny ears on the clitoral stimulator deliver intense external sensations with 7 vibrations to provide a blended orgasm.” Alright, sure – but I only counted three “speeds” and three patterns on both the vibrator & rotating shaft. Is there something I’m missing? Even if we’re counting speeds & patterns together – that’s six vibrations total. (That leads me to the question of – if your information on the functions isn’t accurate, am I supposed to trust that everything else regarding material & “FDA approval” is accurate as well?)
My disinterest in patterns aside, let’s get down to how all of this comes together in use.
So, lube in hand I went on my merry way. First impression? This shit is LOUD. Loud loud. Not Magic Wand loud, but I’d expect the vibrations to be a bit stronger if they insist on being so noisy, honestly. The rotation wasn’t as loud as I expected it to be (I honestly was imagining a dentist drill type situation) but it certainly didn’t win any points for being “discreet”. Past that, I was immediately fucking terrified because just holding it in my hand with the rotation on – this thing was throwing me the fuck around. I texted my partner and joked that it was possessed and said that “this shit is violent”.
Here’s a video of all of the features & patterns so you can get a good idea of what I mean:
Stuffing my fears down, I managed to get everything positioned. My biggest gripe with dual-stim (rabbit) vibrators is that typically your anatomy has to line up in a very specific way to use them “properly” and they’re a bit one-size-fits-all. Luckily, the external arm is flexible enough that I could get things to line up. It didn’t feel like it was doing a great job as the vibrations are fairly buzzy. But hey, everything was where it was supposed to be! The vibration seemed to travel well enough through the “ears” even if it was weak! And then I hit the rotation.
And it all went straight to hell.
If you haven’t seen or known me outside of blogging, here’s where I make a note than I’m a relatively thin person. You know why that comes into play right now? Because even on the lowest speeds I could see this fucking thing rearranging my stomach from the outside. Even getting railed from a specific angle with an unyielding glass dildo doesn’t give me that severe of a visual. Even as someone that will put pressure on their lower stomach for extra g-spot stimulation, this was a bit much. (And by a bit, I mean way too much. Not in a good way, either.)
I sat through all three speeds and patterns trying not to get creeped out by it, but it wasn’t remotely enjoyable for me. A few of the settings were straight up painful. I’m honestly not sure who that would be enjoyable for. I like rough stimulation and aggression towards my g-spot but this was still, y’know, terrifying. (The fact that the dildo itself has no “give” adds to it, some vibrators get stuck or stall. The Paloqueth rabbit is just out to punch holes in walls, honestly. I’m now starting to grasp why the Rabbit Habit is jelly.) The one pattern I liked was where it started the rotation slower than the first speed and progressively sped up. But, that was only because the slow bit was less jarring.
Of course this entire time, I couldn’t even register what the vibrating arm is doing if anything. Whether that’s because I was freaked out or because it just wasn’t doing it’s job remained to be seen. After that first test run I did get a bit of a burning sensation afterwards. Yeah. Yikes. I’m not sure if it’s because it was so rough on my guts or because I was having some sort of reaction to the toys material itself. And if I’m being entirely honest? All the gut-rearranging left me with a stomach ache that kind of lingered as well.
I can’t narrow down what the problem I was having with the Paloqueth rabbit actually is. And that’s a little concerning.
Because of that – this was a hard review to finish. My body essentially shriveled up to protect itself whenever the thought of “Shit, I have to finish that Paloqueth review” crossed my mind. My partner would text me, “Oh, are you gunna test the rabbit tonight?” and I’d find ways to dodge them. It hurt. It’s a chore. I figured I could try it with the rotating arm off, but it freezes in whatever “bend” it was in when you hit the “off” button. Pretty awkward.
I finally ditched it because I couldn’t deal with feeling like my guts were bruised after a quick test, and I got tired of second guessing if the material, the movement, or my lube was what was causing the burn. No bueno.
Honestly, I feel pretty bad about having such negative feelings towards the Paloqueth Rotating Rabbit. (Mostly because the rep I talked to was so sweet!) But hey, it’s not their fault that this toy was the worlds worst fit for me. The best thing about it? The storage pouch.
Let this be a lesson in trusting your gut, I guess. If you’re looking for an affordable, body-safe rabbit – check out my ROMP Jazz review instead. Maybe eventually I’ll find another rotating toy I can recommend – and I’ll link it here. But that day is not today. For now, it seems Amazon “white label” toys are staying firmly on my “do not buy” list.